Friday morning, it was a new day. I woke up as usual, feeling of something missing from life was present as usual. I had a robotic life, wake up early, go to work, look after kids, household work and go to sleep.
Today, i was very much sure that I am going to find my share of HAPPINESS in this universe. Day passed as routine and with sun ready for illuminating the other side of globe, i prepared myself to begin my search of HAPPINESS.
I was desperate and determined. In donned a yellow colored dress from AND, with my Liberty sandals, funky danglers in my ears and red lipstick. I was sure that I will succeed today.
As most people find their HAPPINESS at malls on weekends, I decided n went to Mahagun Metro Mall, which was hardly 2 kms away. My daughters dressed in their favourite attires were full of enthusiasm. With full energy and desperation for my achievement, I entered. Started roaming there aimlessly, glancing the showrooms and the displays.
My elder daughter asked, mummy now what? Which shop mummy? I looked around and saw Mochi showroom. I got the answer, come on lets buy our HAPPINESS here. We entered and after trying few, i selected one pair of sandals for myself. While my card was being swipped, I asked myself, “so, ultimately u found”.
I replied “yes, of course, i bought my happiness”
My inner self laughed at me. As soon as i paid the bill, I kept asking myself, “is it really the one u were looking for since so many days?”
I kept on telling myself “yes, of course, it is…” but i myself knew that I spent in vain as this did not filled the emptyness of myself.
Now, what next. I looked around, there were so many fun rides for kids. I saw many parents are having smiling faces when they are looking their children enjoying the rides.
Idea! lets buy this HAPPINESS. I mean, every parent is happy to see the kids enjoying, surely this will bring me too. I bought the tickets, my daughters enjoyed a lot on multiple fun rides, I clicked some pictures as well to share on my FB profile, as a proof of achieving my HAPPINESS.
I again asked myself, “are you sure, it is achieved?”.
I replied “yes, of course. See every parent out there is happy, why not me. This time i am an achiever.”
“Then why dont you look satisfied”
“no, i am satisfied….. But…”
So, back to where i started.
We three wandered in mall, had dinner and returned back. “you failed again, such a stupid lady, you cant find HAPPINESS, IS IT SO DIFFICULT?”
“I will give my best next weekend again” replied to self.
I wore my payjama and t shirt. My daughters too changed their dresses in semi sleep mode, as they were exhausted. I helped them get in bed, soon the fell asleep.
I was looking at them, feeling so lucky to have them in my life, but not that lucky to fell asleep as i was saddened that i failed again. After so many attempts, how could not… I mean, where the hell is my HAPPINESS….
I went to the living room, put on the tv, searched the music channel. There was a dance number playing on it. My feet all of a sudden started tapping on their own.
“hey, whats this, are you mad? You want to dance alone at 11 pm in your house”
But, i could not resist, stood up, and started throwing my hands and legs in different direction, slowly i started to dance in rhythm. What i noticed it when the song ended, there was a big smile on my face, without even attempting to smile, i was smiling. My heart was running fast, face sweating, breathing too fast, but with a big smile on my face. “yes, this is it, my HAPPINESS. I was looking at all places but never realised that it was within me. Its not like, I can buy it or get it from outside, it resides within me. Every small thing in my life that brings by itself smile on my face, is my HAPPINESS.
Since then, I have started admiring my surroundings, and got released from that robotic life.